||[Jul. 7th, 2007|07:52 pm]
Basically, I thought live journal was dead, until I randomly signed in.
So, I need to vent.
Jon and I broke up, and this time I think it's for good.
Breaking it down like this: he treated me like shit, called me really rude names, embarrassed me in front of his family, and made me feel like shit most of the time. All happening while I was down at his lake house last weekend with a broken phone, and no way home (he drove me down there). Why the hell would anyone in the right state of mind want to stay with someone like him? No one, so I knew it was time to get out.
I don't feel like it was the right decision, because it hurts so much, but as cliche as it sounds, "time will tell", right?
Usually, when we take our little breaks, I stay home, watch movies, and cry all day. But, this time I'm actually doing my thing, going out, meeting new people, and just having a good time. I'm gone in a little over a month, I'm going to be away at college, and wasting time with someone who doesn't love me the same way I love them, is complete shit. He was my first love, yada, yada, yada. But, he couldn't show me that he was genuinely and sincerely sorry, and I'm sorry, but just an "I'm sorry" doesn't cut it this time. Like it was too much effort to come over with flowers, a card, a SINCERE apology, and make it up to me.
I am seriously going to miss the fuck out of that kid. He was the last thing I thought of before I fell asleep, and the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning. It just sucks, that when you're with someone for almost 2 in a half years, and they completely take a massive shit on you. When all you do is give them the world. I'll admit, I'm not innocent, but I know when I do something wrong, I'm going to make it up to that person and let them see that I am truly sorry, and that I love their guts out.
He's becoming desperate though.
So it feels a little better.
i don't think going out the past five nights in a row, getting completely shit faced, and making out with random/fun boys is stating my case though.
i miss him. i want to be with him. but, i'm not going to take him back until he proves that he can be with me and not so mean & rude.